Angerrr…

08/04/2025

I was listening to a sermon from like January, or February. The pastors were doing a series on the Book of James, and that was when I started missing a lot because I began working with children’s ministry more. Well, I guess I wasn’t working more, but I wasn’t really catching up on the sermons midweek anymore. Loveband would record them for me. He was still recording them, but I wouldn't really get around to listening to them. 

Anywho, the second sermon in that series touched a bit on anger. That’s something I’ve been trying to work on. I feel like I get angry at the silliest things sometimes. It’s really frustration that I am not getting my way. There was something that she said, and I had written it down. It was something like, anger begins where my desires begin, or anger happens when I want something. See, I’m butchering it. I need to stop being lazy and just go find it again. The way she said it was just so perfect. 

“Temptation always starts with what I want.” That’s what it was. So the temptation for me to act out in anger begins with what I want.

I want peace and quiet.

I want to not be ignored.

I want to feel respected.

I want my house to be clean.

I want help without needing to ask for it all the time.

I want the people around me to be respectful, courteous and mindful.

These are the things that I want. These are the things that I get frustrated and angry about when it doesn’t go my way. I may not always act outwardly in anger, but my brain be super angry… especially when I’m tired, or hangry. Lol. Smh. 

I don’t like that I get that angry, and of course it’s usually with the people I love the most. I can take more “mistreatment” from strangers, or people that don’t know me very well. They get the benefit of the doubt. I can write their misbehavior off. 

There is this book that my loveband and I read. It’s a parenting book called Hunt, Gather, Parent, by Michaeleen Doucleff, and part of it talks about anger. I think the chapter is called Never in Anger. We shouldn’t respond to our children in anger. In fact, there is no reason to respond to our children in anger because they are children. We should expect them to misbehave, have tantrums, not listen. In fact, responding in anger to our children shows immaturity on our end. That part got me right there. Like, us American parents are super immature. We never learned to control our emotions, not in the way the Inuit tribe Michaeleen Doucleff visited did. (This is such a good book, too. If you’re looking for a great parenting book, I would totally start with this one. Wish I had it ten years ago.) But yeah, I am so immature. I am so prideful, and self-centered that I would get that upset when a child does anything that hinders me from getting what I want, especially when I am tired. Like, geez! I’ve gotten better when I am rested, and in a feel good mood. But don’t catch me when it’s that time of the month, and I’m feeling groggy. Lol.

I remember being in the classroom teaching, and the rustling of paper would erk my right nerve so badly! Oh my gosh! Like, really? The kid is just trying to move a piece of paper and my body goes into shock. So ridiculous! Ha! 

The problem now is that I don’t know how to not be bothered by such things when I am not in my best mood. When I get tired, it’s just… over. I can’t function. My already direct words become sharp and cutting. When I notice my words become sharp and cutting, sometimes, I don’t even care anymore. I just let it be because I am done! But it’s not right. I don’t get to have an excuse to allow my words or actions to be hurtful. And I know I cannot fix it on my own. 

So, Lord Jesus, help me. Sometimes, that’s all I can say under my breath. Lord Jesus, help me today. Take a breath. Walk away. Of course Jesus is right there to help me, but there are times when I don’t want the help. I just want to be mad. 

So I pray right now, Lord, have mercy on my soul.

I wonder if Jesus felt angry or frustrated when the authorities were questioning him, asking him the same questions over and over again, beating him, killing him. And those were much more serious infractions! Nobody is trying to crucify me. 

But again, how do I stop becoming angry? It’s a paradigm shift. And it’s taking too long in my mind to make the full shift. I guess, like with everything else, there is a journey. I will get there, closer each day.

I need your strength, Lord. I need your hand to be upon me in those weak moments. Let the weak say I am strong. The Lord is my strength.