The Simple Life

02/14/2025

I used to imagine a simple life. The imaginings weren’t very elaborate. I just saw my little cottage/cabin, sitting in a place filled with green, and a stream. It was calm. There was no clutter. Just serenity, happiness, and peace. I still have that picture in my head, but I feel like I have no idea how to achieve it. I imagine going on walks, riding bikes or skating with the family. I could see myself sitting outside on the grass watching the world go by, or just reading a book, soaking in the sunshine. Sunshine makes me happy. 

I have often been recalling this little song I made up while I was washing dishes. The sun seemed to always shine into our little kitchen window above the sink. “Sunshine makes me happy; happy all day long. Sunshine makes me real happy! Makes me sing this song!” Hahaha I can see my 12-year-old self now. I can see that little window, my hands in the soapy water. Just washing and singing, my voice mimicking the vibrato of Snow White. Lol. 

I long for the freedom to be that me again. I long for the time to just be again. It’s so hard for me to make myself just sit in the stillness. I’ve become accustomed to being a busy little bee. If something isn’t done, I can’t rest. I can't sit. I don’t sit until I’m at the point of exhaustion, which is almost every evening. And yet, nothing seems to ever be done. I feel like I am wasting my days. I’d rather be remastering the flute, or actually knitting a scarf. I’d rather be playing with my kids outside on these beautiful sunny days.

What if we all had just enough clothes to get through the week? Wash and put everything away in one day, and then start all over again? What if we had just enough dishes to use for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, run the dish washer overnight, put them away in the morning, and simplify the whole kitchen cleaning thing? What if there weren’t so many toys just sitting in the den and the kids’ rooms. What if they didn’t have all these random items that they didn’t even ask for just causing clutter in the house? Imagine how tidy things would become at that point. If we don’t have a bunch of stuff, then there wouldn’t be a bunch of stuff to clean. 

What if I didn’t feel too overwhelmed to acquiesce my son’s request to play a family game at the end of the day? What if we removed all the commercialism from our lives? Removed the buying toys for Christmas? Removed the collection of tiny toys that are played with for a day or two, and then forgotten? 

What really matters? What do my kids really love? What do I really love?

I love music. I love dancing. I love to play. I love laughter. I love to see my kids happy. They are happy when I spend time with them. They are happy when they are outside, making up games, and diving into their imaginations. They are happy when they get to create and experiment. 

Why can’t I just let go? The clutter is the clutter. I am typing this while sitting next to a pile of clothes on the couch and looking at another pile of half-folded clothes on the chair across the room. The clutter is the clutter. The clutter is the pressure to not have these clothes sitting there for a week. It’s knowing that the dishwasher was not run this evening, and the kids will need dishes in the morning. 

I only want things that truly make me happy. I want to take out my old band music and use my son’s flute to play again. I want to finish this blue scarf that my other son was supposed to get to use this winter. I want shelves stocked with books, and I want to see my J.J. building models and writing about jets. I want to see my Tater Tot getting his hands dirty, and having the space to do it without me worrying about him getting everything else dirty. This is the life I want. I will get there. I will certainly get there. It might take some time, but it will happen.